The Wanna Be Joker
by Dark Lady1
Summary: A different look at someone, who's only trying to do the right thing.


Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King, nor any of the characters from the original cough bettercough manga. Hiroyuki Takei-sama owns Shaman King. I own myself and the rights to the fic. Says who? So says the text at the bottom! DEAL with it.

Disclaimer: Done out of boredom, and to make up for being late with a chapter on one of my other fics.

PS: I luff Chocolove :P

The Funny Guy. The one who puts a smile on your face. The guy you can never keep a straight face with. The comedian. The Joker.

Just ONCE, I'd like to be called one of those names.

But nooo, instead I'm called annoying, the wannabe-comedian, the guy who can't shut up. The list goes on! I try, and I try, and I try. But what do I get? Diddely Squat and a couple bruises.

I'm trying to do a good thing, right? Without laughter, all we have is violence. Without laughter there's nothing. I'm trying to BRING laughter to the world. To take away the violence and give everyone a happy heart.

'Try' being the main word.

No matter what I do, I'm always looked down upon for TRYING to do a good thing. Okay, sure, I admit it. My jokes need a little fine tuning. Is it so much that I'm threatened by a kwan dao almost five times a day?

And yeah, sure, I get the few laughs from some guys. Guys who would laugh at the word 'pudding'. I may have touched them, but what about others?

If I'm going to be the World's Greatest Comedian, I need to have EVERYONE laughing. But I guess I have a long way to go before I get to the name 'World's Greatest Comedian'.

Then again, I guess it takes a lot to go from gun totin' gangster to a cheery comedian. I have to be patient, right? Have to take my time, let the comedy come to me instead of vice versa. Right?

Gangster to Comedian... It's certainly a career change. And I'm happy for it. I hate what I've done. You can't see it but there's blood on my hands from so many people. I've killed, murdered, slaughtered. Whatever you wanna call it. To be blunt, I've done bad things.

He said that it didn't matter what I had done before. He said that as long as I knew it was wrong, and willing to change, I'd be okay.

But how do you change? To change, did he mean by being someone else? Completely changing who I am, in every way? I wish I could. God knows I do; that I want to be rid of all my past. I want to change who I am. But the truth is, I can't. You can't change who you are inside and out.

I am a monster. I can't change that. I still get angry pretty easy, even if I don't kill people for it now. Even now, I sometimes absently reach into my pocket for a gun.

The second later I wanna to punch myself for doing it.

I don't wanna be a monster. I don't wanna kill people anymore. I wanna be happy, make people laugh. But I can only do so much, right? I'm only one person.

'One person can make a difference.'

That's what He used to say when I doubted myself... I wish he was still here to say it. I wish he was alive, I wish my parents were alive, I wish I'd never killed those people, I wish I had a normal life!

I want to have a home, I want to have parents, to have a room, to go to school, and to be in New York again.

I smile a lot. I'm always joking, but these kind of things go through my head at the same time. I'm always doubting myself, on the inside I mean.

But I know I can't.

I have to stay strong, keep coming with the jokes and never give in. Because giving in would be letting all of them down. My teacher, my parents, the Shaft, my friends... and I can't let them down. I'd be letting the world down if I did. Because I'm doing this for the world too. To make it a better place. I have to show them what I'm worth.

They might not think I'm funny now. But hooo boy, they just wait! I'll show them funny! When the timing's write, they'll all laugh.

With me, not at me mind you.

"I'm telling you guys, this is a good joke!" Choco pleaded from his side of the table. Ren gave a roll of his eyes while Yoh sighed. He put down his noodle cup and ran a hand through his ebony hair.

"Fine, fine Chocolove. Let's hear it." Anna glared, twiddling her fingers through her beads.

"If it's anything like the last three you just told, you should probably get ready to run." She threatened with her Shikigami at her side. Chocolove sweatdropped and got up from his chair.

"Trust me, this one's a classic." He grinned. "A skeleton walks into a bar" He was suddenly cut off by a table full of groans." Shut up! Okay, skeleton walks into a bar with a mop and orders a drink."

"... And THEN?" Manta gestured with his hand for him to continue. ButChocolove merelylaughed.

"That's it!" Anna narrowed her eyes on him.

"Start running."


End file.
